Um. I need an objective viewpoint here.

[Fabala]

I'm not entirely certain on the rules for this kind of thing, so I'm sorry if I'm disobeying one. I posted this on the "Girls book of guys by guys" thread but I'm posting it here too...I'm not sure how frequented that thread is and frankly, I'm kind of desperate for a non-biased opinion right now. Thanks in advance. It's kind of long, I know. Sorry


So...I guess I kind of have a question. I don't really know where else to go for objective advice, so please bear with me.

This boy and I are friends, but because we live away from one another (about 45 miles) and my town is so isolated, we practically never see one another unless I visit my sister's ward or we're at stake dances (which his mom and dad are in charge of). We chat on Facebook for about a half hour once every week or so. He just turned 16 and I am turning sixteen here in a few weeks. Now trust me, I am really not the self-flattering type when it comes to this kind of stuff; in fact, I find it incredibly hard to believe that a guy would be genuinely interested in me on a romantic level. Anyway, back to the point- a friend of mine (we'll call her Bee)'s mom has a friend (We'll call her Holly) who takes her children to this guy's (Chad) mom's daycare. Well, Chad's mom told Holly that he had just turned 16 and knew who he wanted to take out for his first date, "[Fabala] from [place name]." Holly doesn't know me, but she does know Bee's mom, so she told her what Chad's mom said and Bee's mom knew who he was talking about. She told Bee and Bee told me.

Firstly, I know that this is getting kind of long. I just don't know how to make it shorter.
Secondly, I understand that this is a really long chain of people and is probably not completely reliable; however, I trust Bee's mom not to say anything that's not the whole truth.

So I've been kind of freaking out over it, because I *really* do like this guy, but it's really hard for me to believe that someone as incredible as I percieve him to be would be interested like that. I'm just wondering what this means, if it's reliable, and what it looks like from a guy (or even a girl's) perspective who is outside the situation and not biased.

For the record, when we chat with one another we ask each other typical get-to-know you questions- favorite food, color, song, etc. He asked me if I knew there was a stake dance on a particular Saturday, and when I told him I couldn't go his response was "Oh no! Why not?" Also at a previous dance we had to do the whole "cinderella" matching up for partners- girls put a shoe in the middle of the room, guys pick it up and find out who it belongs to and voila! that's their partner. Well before they went searching for the girl they returned to their seats, and I had been paying attention to who picked up my shoe, and it was *not* Chad, as far as I can accurately remember. It was one of his friends, I believe, but when we went to get paired up, he had my shoe and hey, we were partners that night.

Again, I'm just looking for an objective opinion on what this looks like to someone outside the situation. Does it sound like he likes me? Am I being self-flattering? Should I move on? How do I even deal with this, anyway? Thanks in advance if you're responding. I definitely appreciate it.

[SuperKuna!]

he might like you. i would say just relax and see what happens. if he asks you on a date and you want to say yes, just say yes and have fun. if he doesn't but keeps talking to you, just participate as much as you want to.

[Fabala]

Thanks

[DJSuperBrandt]

My objective advice is the same...RELAX...no use working yourself up over hypotheticals and what-ifs and all that crazy stuff.

[Moondancer]

I know I'm late in the game, but oh well

Hearing things through the grapevine can get misaligned. Certain facts can turn to fiction. It's always best to go straight to the source, even if it may be hard to ask, especially in a situation like yours. However, you will never know if you two never discuss it. I always think it helps to find out who the person is a bit more, before jumping right in. It also helps to set things in place for you, especially if he tells you it's not true, you can then say something like "Well, I think it would be nice if it were true".

Sometimes parent's say things to invoke certain possibilities.

As far as what DJ said, I will have to partially disagree with them. I do agree that you should relax. Your mind is more free to think in a state of relaxation the over stress, excitement, anticipation, and or being nervous. Yes, some people do well in those situations, however, they trained themselves to be as such. Most people aren't as free to think if they aren't relaxed enough.

The part I disagree with, however, is that sometimes you need the what-ifs and hypothetical situations to help you do thing you otherwise would not have, if you never thought about it (in a good sense, that is). However, allowing them to rule your thought process isn't healthy. I think a few of them are mandatory to get you going, but nothing more... and that's the hard part, not allowing them to rule your thought process... because once you start, sometimes your mind likes to wander, and before you know it, you're freaking out again. So that's something that you will need to try and catch yourself on.

However, once you think of some hypothetical and or what-ifs, it's always best to then discuss it with the person, so they aren't left out in the dark. They should know how you feel and should end up being a person who respects that. Things like:

"If we mess up some how, how is that going to affect us?"
"If he does ask me out, would he want to go on group dates?"
"If he really does like me, how involved do I want to get?"

are okay to think of and then discuss. I think if people would just talk about how they feel more often, and stop being so reserved, it might help them find out the type of person they're dealing with much faster, thus be more prepared. Many people can communicate, few can communicate well. Examples of things to stay away from when approaching the what-ifs and hypotheticals, at least, for now:

"If he ever parts his hair down the middle, will that be a deal breaker?"
"If we were to get married, what Temple would we get married in?"
"If we got married and had kids, would our kids grow up to be ninjas?"
"If he were to ever get a mowhawk, does that mean he loves puppies?"

As you can see, there are some senseless things that have no point in wondering about, but there are also some very serious things that should be wondered about, and then discussed.

[whachamacallit]

I like the worrying about kids becoming ninjas.....